omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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