I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
