you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's just so happy...and so naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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