If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
