i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize