I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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