i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
