I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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