Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
