i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
