Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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