your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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