what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
