Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize