i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
operation harelip BJ is a go
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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