why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
