I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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