Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize