So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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