The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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