my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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