My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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