Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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