You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
