Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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