I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
