I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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