imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize