this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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