420 ftw
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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