he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
