she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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