My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
