she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
