god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
