I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
