I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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