we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
