I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Help. Why am I so naked?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
