Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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