I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My dick has a subreddit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
