i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize