there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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