Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
