Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
