Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
