i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
