I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
