everyone is single if you try hard enough
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
