Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
