I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
