worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
