you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
