When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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