Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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