and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize