If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
