Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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