I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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