I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
