I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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