Already got asked if we're dating
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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