Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
