I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
