I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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