Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
